Yes, He took it to a Whole New Level

I was taking my dogs out last night after putting away the spoils from my most recent conquer of Target for a potty break. There was a man of questionable intentions walking down the street. Allow me to describe: he was an older man with the face (and I'm sure, mouth) like a sailor; tanned, wrinkled and probably had the secrets to all the world's mysteries. He was obviously homeless and more obviously drunk, and I am guessing the coffee cup he was holding in his shaking hand was not indeed coffee. He was mumbling to himself and staggering around the street, so I politely pulled my dogs aside and let him pass.

While I was waiting for the Little White Man to tell me it was ok to cross the street, I nonchalantly looked back to see how far his 'sea legs' got him down the sidewalk. There he was, hugging and kissing a tree. I live on kind of a busy road, but this did not seem to phase him. He just kept hugging and kissing this innocent tree that was just minding it's own business. I think I even saw a little tongue.

Being the person that I am, I laughed and sent out a massive text: "I just saw a hobo hugging and kissing a tree - thinking of you." The world invariably keeps spinning, so I moseyed on waiting on baited breath for one of my little canine's to poo. I wrote the old man off as just another weird story to post on my blog. Until...

I was walking my dogs this morning, and decided to walk by the tree that the old man had accosted the night before. I don't really know what I was looking for; lipstick, drool, his empty 'coffee' cup, but something was drawing me back to that spot. And to my shock and horror, this is what I found:



Now, for anyone who has been in or around the undercarriage of a woman, you would notice that this tree has some incredible similarities to some female anatomy. Once I realized the reason this old man was spending so much time showing his affection for this particular piece of foliage, my immediate reaction was to laugh hysterically at the entire situation. I mean, imagine the timing that I have been blessed with by the Gods, and adding to that the curiosity to go back to that tree and investigate it after its prior molestation. AND, not to mention the fact that this random old drunk perv was hugging and making out with a tree that looked like the beautiful anatomy of a woman.

I continue to be amazed, and am proud to share my adventures with you.

I hope I see that guy again.

Cheers