Aye, the Nerve!

Listen up kids. I am not going to pretend I am rich, or that I drive a fancy car. I am 24 years old and am not able to save any money. For that reason, I drive my boyfriend's old car, a 1990 Honda Accord. It is a stick, I don't have a heart attack if someone dings my door, and it gets about 35 MPG.

Last week, I walked out to my car and found a business card on the windshield for a tow truck company. It did not match the one my building uses, so I called the number to see if anyone was trying to have me towed. The woman I spoke with informed me that no one had called to try to have me towed. And that is when I noticed it. The business card also said "We buy Junk Cars!" I also noticed someone had written their name and phone number on the back of the card.

I asked the woman, still on the phone, "Who is Lacey Goldblum?" She replied, "Oh he is one of ours sales people!"

Me: "Did he seriously leave this card on my car because he thought it was a junker and I'd want to sell it to him? What kind of nerve does this guy have?!"
Lady: "Uh, I am not sure why he left it. I hope he didn't offend you."

Well guess what lady, he did offend me. Do I go around posting signs on unfortunate looking children "We Babysit Ugly Children"? No I don't. Sure the car isn't in the greatest of shape, but it gets great gas mileage and gets me from point A to B.

I know the economy is grim, but should that make it okay for people to ignore common courtesy? I called Lacey back and HE didn't answer. What a skirt.

What Did you EAT!?

My dogs have never been well-behaved and probably never will be. They are dogs. I try to control them, and they get even more out of control much the same way abstinent couples do right after the wedding ceremony. They are friendly, cute and they have never growled or bitten anyone - EVER. So I figure if I have to deal with a chewed up book or them getting into the trash, then so be it.

This was my thinking before Tuesday of this week. I opened the door after a long day of work, only to find my birth control tattered and empty laying on the kitchen floor. My immediate thought was "Those a-holes! Aetna won't let me get another pack when I just got one on SUNDAY!" not "OMG my babies are going to die!" Besides, they seemed fine. I bet after the first two paragraphs, you now have no doubt in your mind I am going to be a great mother.

I called the pharmacy to find out if I could get another pack. No prob. Then I called Poison Control too see if I would be able to have the pleasure of pouring hydrogen peroxide down their throats until they puked. Not even that lucky. Apparently my birth control doesn't have iron in it, which is the only cause for concern when canines try to 'be responsible.' They didn't even get an upset stomach, and they ate 2 weeks + placebo pills.

My boyfriend Mike is definitely a boob man. Tiny Child (this is what he calls Shame) just loves Mike. Trick and I think that Shame was trying to grow boobies so Mike would love her more than me (6 boobies vs 2 boobies) and that Nugget was trying to get a higher octave position in choir. What is wrong with speculation?

Dear Diary: It's Me, Facebook Status Abuser

Dear Fellow Facebook users:

In case you haven't noticed, Facebook is not a diary. You cannot pour your heart out in your status and keep it private - people read it. Lots of people. Some things, I do not want to see. For example:

Issue #1 - Indirect Slam Via Status (ISVS)
I don't want to read your article from www.theknot.com and try to figure out which bridesmaid you are indirectly trying to shame. Also, let's try not to post obviously one-sided material that attacks a few individuals on your friends list. Clearly, it isn't necessary for friends to have the same interests or beliefs. You should be more careful and thoughtful as to what you post. You may not realize it, but someone (your friend, her mother, her sister and dog) is watching.

Issue #2 - Super Duper Boyfriends
If you love someone, more than likely we're your friends and we know about it, so don't splatter idiotic statuses like "OMG MY BF IS SOOOOOOO great." Lots of us have super boyfriends - keep it private. Also, for those of us that don't have boyfriends, we don't really care to hear how great yours is. Besides, my boyfriend could beat up your boyfriend.

Issue #3 - TMI
Listen, my bosses know that Facebook is always up on my computer at work. Point is, when I have downtime, it helps take my mind off of work issues. Under no circumstances do I feel that every moment of my life has to be documented on Facebook. I learned Michael Jackson was dead via Facebook before my CNN ticker even popped up. No one wants to hear "Tying my new shoelaces!" or "Feeding my precious feline Fancy Feast." Take up a new hobby.

Going Forward...
Simply put, a status should be one you can keep for at least a couple hours and isn't going to piss (me) anyone off. Mine - lasts at least a week. It should have an overarching theme. It should be short and to the point.

Come on people. I want to see a funny quote, an inspiring article, or a LOL youtube video. Even a bad joke would be better than what I've been seeing lately. We're adults. You have a problem with someone, tell them, not the 3 million users that Facebook now has. Statuses like the ones listed above are why Facebook should make a "Dislike" option.