Dear Diary: It's Me, Facebook Status Abuser

Dear Fellow Facebook users:

In case you haven't noticed, Facebook is not a diary. You cannot pour your heart out in your status and keep it private - people read it. Lots of people. Some things, I do not want to see. For example:

Issue #1 - Indirect Slam Via Status (ISVS)
I don't want to read your article from www.theknot.com and try to figure out which bridesmaid you are indirectly trying to shame. Also, let's try not to post obviously one-sided material that attacks a few individuals on your friends list. Clearly, it isn't necessary for friends to have the same interests or beliefs. You should be more careful and thoughtful as to what you post. You may not realize it, but someone (your friend, her mother, her sister and dog) is watching.

Issue #2 - Super Duper Boyfriends
If you love someone, more than likely we're your friends and we know about it, so don't splatter idiotic statuses like "OMG MY BF IS SOOOOOOO great." Lots of us have super boyfriends - keep it private. Also, for those of us that don't have boyfriends, we don't really care to hear how great yours is. Besides, my boyfriend could beat up your boyfriend.

Issue #3 - TMI
Listen, my bosses know that Facebook is always up on my computer at work. Point is, when I have downtime, it helps take my mind off of work issues. Under no circumstances do I feel that every moment of my life has to be documented on Facebook. I learned Michael Jackson was dead via Facebook before my CNN ticker even popped up. No one wants to hear "Tying my new shoelaces!" or "Feeding my precious feline Fancy Feast." Take up a new hobby.

Going Forward...
Simply put, a status should be one you can keep for at least a couple hours and isn't going to piss (me) anyone off. Mine - lasts at least a week. It should have an overarching theme. It should be short and to the point.

Come on people. I want to see a funny quote, an inspiring article, or a LOL youtube video. Even a bad joke would be better than what I've been seeing lately. We're adults. You have a problem with someone, tell them, not the 3 million users that Facebook now has. Statuses like the ones listed above are why Facebook should make a "Dislike" option.