FU Pigeon Feeder - Round 2

Ahhh, Thursday. One day before Friday and one day after hump day. My company has been taunting me with a new Blackberry Curve, and it was confirmed Wednesday that I would be getting it today. As silly as it sounds, getting a new Blackberry that is in clear working order really made me want to wake up and greet the day.

I wake up, stretch it out yoga-style and decide to let the light shine on me. I open my heavy thermal blinds (proof I may or may not be a vampire) and shortly after I hear a sound that is all too familiar. The deafening roar of the winged crusaders - pigeons. You know it is never a good sign when you can hear your death coming before you see it.

Please note that I was in my bedroom, which, as you may remember from a previous post, looks out upon an alleyway / parking lot. I peeked out my blinds - too frightened to open them all the way - and to my horror and disdain, there they were. Winged devils. Lucifer's messengers. God's aviary mistakes. Dining on hamburger buns. One was flapping his wings in the most possessively demonic manner and sent shudders up and down my spine. I also saw one and managed to snap a quick PHO-TO:



I did not see who the culprit was, so I am not sure if it was the same gnarly woman as the previous post. This criminal left hamburger buns instead of generic Wonderbread, so it was most likely a one-off job or a double conspiracy.

Denver, I ask you, why? Why is it necessary to feed these heathens? They serve no purpose. They hardly ever die, and when they do it is a blessing to us all and most likely never due to starvation.

Instead of complain, I am going to take action. Please see below for details:



Alka Seltzer mixes with the bacteria killers in a pigeons (and seagulls) stomach. It fizzes and causes them to explode. (Demonic grin).

I wouldn't do that, but push me and you'll at least be gassy.

Death to pigeons.