Watch out for that Puddle!

Well I have two interesting stories from the weekend that involve urination in public places (you're thinking, 'only two?' but it has been a bit slow). Here they are:

Story #1 - Saturday September 5th
On Saturday, my best friend Jess, myself and my sexy boyfriend Mike decided it might be fun to partake in the Taste of Colorado. For those of you that are living under a rock or too busy playing WoW (note previous entry), Taste of Colorado is a venue where restaurants and small shops can infiltrate a small section of downtown with overpriced samples and well, junk. Sometimes it is fun, but I always end up hating the crowds and the ignorant/smelly/annoying riff raff that inevitably patrol these types of events, so it got old - real fast.

We all decided to get some ribs and sit in the Civic Center Park. This red-headed gingerbaby (scary enough on its own) was crying non-stop because it had to go to the bathroom and no one would take him. We overheard his mother whisper "pull down your pants, lay on your belly, and pee into the grass." Well. Isn't that charming?

Story #2 - Tuesday, September 8th
I walk to work everyday. It is only about 15 - 20 minutes, but it allows me to blow off any gathered steam from the morning with my a-hole dogs and from the day at work with numerous other a-holes. This particular morning, I was reading and typing on my Blackberry. I noticed a vagabond up ahead of me shuffling around and paid no attention to him. I saw out of my frontal periphery that he had stopped. I didn't realize WHY until I passed him.

He had his pants pulled down around his knees and was pissing on the sidewalk. Please also note that this was at 9am on a Tuesday on a fairly busy road. He wasn't even using his hands to direct his flow of urine. He literally just pulled down his pants and was pissing. When I passed him, he let out a stifled "Oh....SHIT!" but I felt like the more appropriate response was "Oh PISS."

When I reminisced about that special moment, I was happy he didn't splash me with urine and even happier I didn't remember seeing his junk.

Seriously people, if you have to go that bad, find an empty 40oz of King Cobra and fill that up. You could probably even make some money selling it back to the liquor stores. Think about it.

J